Every Moment We Are Together Is Treasure

After my consultation with my hematologist today, I felt another chapter is about to come.

I am not anxious. I am not worried. I am trusting that God is already there in my future and is actively working for my good.

So I spent the day playing scrabble with my siblings and nieces. We did some videoke. We had our food bonding.

It is one of those moments that might seem ordinary. But for me, it is very special.

Being able to comfortably spend time with each other is a huge blessing for us. No one had to worry about someone being in the hospital.

It is 11pm now. I just finished tidying up, and these thoughts came to me.

Moments like that are not only special. They are meaningfully, singularly precious at that point in time.

If my time is up, I have to come back to my Father in Heaven. These loved ones of mine will be left. They will never be the same again. They will never have moments again with me.

I realized every moment we are together is treasure no one can ever recreate. We can never go back to it.

There is an ache as I write this. I will not pretend there is none.

The ache of leaving is a pain we can never ignore. The ache of having to meet an end is a pain we can never ignore. It is screaming inside you, and you just want to destroy it if you could.

But we can’t.

“This is a pain I cannot get used to.”

That sentence kept echoing in me tonight as I folded things and turned off the lights. Having to meet an end is not something we can ever get used to. We are eternal beings created by an eternal God.

Deep inside our hearts, we know life must not end. Love must continue to flow and go on and on.

If you are also sitting with the thought of leaving people you love, I have been there. If you are sitting with the fear of being left, I know that feeling. I am there tonight. I know the way that ache screams. I know how you want to silence it and cannot.

For me, I have learned to quiet that screaming pain by thinking about the greatest story ever told in the whole creation.

God came to make things new. He came so He can share His glory that never ends.

That is why there are just not enough words to say about God. The ache does not disappear, but it bows to something bigger. The end I am afraid of is not actually the end. The eternal part of me was made for the eternal God who is already preparing what comes next.

This is why I keep writing.

I thought tonight, once I leave them, I want my loved ones to have something they can hold on to. Something they can read during hard times. Something they can read during times they miss me. My writings, both public and private letters, should be written while I have time.

I want them to have the same solid ground in God, because it is all we have in this world. They might be blind to see it. That is why all my life I am praying to God. Let His will be done in their lives, because I know it is good. He is a generous and loving and purposeful God.

I just want to do my part. I want my life to be spent well. I want to give them direction whenever they do not know where to look.

I am glad that I have loved as many people as I could. So when I am gone, they will have each other.

Being gone, the love they have to give to me can spill over to each other. They will remember life is all about that.

Getting all the love that God can give in this lifetime. Letting it overflow and fill the lives of the people we encounter. So love is passed on. So love will live longer than the lives of the generations who will never know us.

Like how the river flows and goes on and on.

I wanted to tell my loved ones more of these things. I am praying they will have the capacity to see this glory of the gospel, and that the best is yet to come.

I have so much more to tell.

Lord, help me keep on telling this. Keep me writing about You. You have so much love pouring out for us. I pray I get transformed and be able to do Your will with joy and hopeful confidence.

If today felt ordinary to you, sit with it a little longer before you sleep. Look at the people in your house. Hear them.

The scrabble board, the videoke mic, the plates on the table, the laughter; this is the treasure. And the One who holds all of it is making things new. He is sharing a glory that never ends.

That is enough ground for tonight.

For the glory of God.

- Lala