10 Years Ago I Was a Government Scholar
An origin story from college. A government scholarship, a sick spleen, a poor family of nine, and the slow turn from being bitter at God to trusting Romans 8:28.
Ten years ago, I was a government scholar studying Computer Engineering.
I was also bitter and angry with God.
I tutored Korean students for five thousand pesos a month. I was a student assistant for three thousand more. The government paid my tuition. I worked for everything else.
My mama was a street vendor. She sold cooked food so we could eat. My papa was a security guard. He guarded a school so we could go to school. We had three girls and five boys at home. We were very poor back then. By 2010, no one in our family had graduated yet.
That same year, my spleen and my gall bladder decided to sabotage my plan to graduate. The doctor said I needed surgery. If I did not have it, my spleen would burst. I would be poisoned. I would die.
I wish I could tell you I was the very positive Lala. Jolly. Hopeful. All smiles.
But no. I was bitter and angry with God.
“Is it not enough that You made my skin yellow since I was a child? Is it not enough that my side has always hurt and that every year I get blood transfusions? Lord, I just want to graduate and help my family. How will that happen if this is what is happening?”
I was so afraid I would lose my scholarship. I was so afraid I would not be able to come back.
If you are bitter at God right now, I have been there.
I had the surgery. While I was in the hospital, AJ took care of me. We were not even married yet. He was only courting me. My papa saw it. My family showed up. My real friends showed up.
What I could not see was that the Lord was teaching me real faith. Not religion. Not tradition. Faith in God alone.
My suffering had a purpose. My pains were not useless. My tears were not meaningless.
Romans 8:28 says, “Everything will work for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose.”
In 2010, I could not see that verse working in my life. I only saw the problem. I did not see the truth. I did not hold on to the promise.
Come 2011, I graduated. In 2012, my younger brother graduated. In 2015, my youngest sister graduated. Now we are helping our youngest brother finish his studies.
The Lord answered my prayer. He just answered it through pain.
If you are in your hospital season right now, I cannot make the surgery easier. But I can tell you what I learned ten years ago.
Believe Romans 8:28
We are just a small dot in God’s vast universe. But we can make a difference here on earth because God is in control.
It is not about perfection. It is about direction.
For the glory of God.
— Lala