The Love You Receive Is Not About You

I remember a time when I thought love had to be earned.

If I performed well, I would be loved. If I did badly, the love would be pulled back. I carried that quiet rule for a long time.

It made me anxious every day.

It made me tired around the very people I wanted to be near.

“If they really knew me, they would stop.”

That was the line I lived under.

The day I let go of that idea, something in me started to breathe again.

Here is what I slowly learned.

The love you receive from the people around you is not a direct reflection of how great or bad you are. It is a reflection of who they are.

And under all of it, who God is.

If someone is patient with you, that patience is not a verdict on your worthiness. It is a window into their heart. And if their heart is shaped by grace, it is a window into God’s heart too.

I have been there, counting my behavior like coins, hoping I had earned enough to be kept.

I know that feeling of bracing for love to be taken back.

If that is where you are tonight, you are not the only one.

None of us deserve the love we are given. That is actually what makes it love. If it were earned, it would be a wage, not a gift.

The love of the Lord works the same way.

We do not receive grace because we are worthy of it. We receive it because He is merciful. Not because we have been good enough this week. Not because our work was clean, our patience long, our prayers steady.

We have a great and loving God.

Like a mama and papa who do not get tired of loving their child, even when the child is difficult, even when they themselves are worn out, that is who He is. Except He never runs out. He does not get tired the way we do.

This is why the love you receive from others can feel so confusing when you are used to earning. It does not match your math. It exceeds it. And that is the point.

It is meant to point you somewhere.

Real love, when you see it, is like a small flame that lights up hundreds of candles. When your own inspiration runs out, when work is heavy, when life is heavy, when the body is heavy, look up. There are bright smiles around you. There is love. Sometimes from the very people who once received light from you.

Many are looking for what is real. Many are fooled.

But when you find the real ones, life is never quite the same. Because you know that even when they are not perfect, they are there. You have hands to hold when you are in pain.

And every one of those hands is a small picture of the hands that were nailed for you.

That is the heart of it for me.

I cannot receive love well from people until I learn to receive it from God. Otherwise I will keep treating every kindness like a test I might fail next week. I will keep performing. I will keep flinching.

But when I remember that grace came first, before I did anything right, before I was even paying attention, I can finally let the love around me be what it is.

A gift.

Not a grade.

Tonight, before you sleep, look at the love you have received this week. Do not measure whether you earned it. Do not rank yourself against it.

Just receive it.

And let it walk you back to the One it came from.

- Lala